I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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