She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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