dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
