The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my vagina is haunted
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
