Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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