My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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