My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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