When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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