I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
