just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
