So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
