i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
