just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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