do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
