So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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