Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
