i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
