whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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