My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
