Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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