I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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