whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
