I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
