I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
