Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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