So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
