I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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