She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
