remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
