at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
