ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
