dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
