I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
