Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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