Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
