Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
