i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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