he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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