I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
