Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
