well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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