she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
