I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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