After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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