we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
