On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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