i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
