do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We just shotgunned beers for America
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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