If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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