i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
